


Hollow

by ArwenLalaith



Series: So It Goes [6]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Adoption, Episode Tag, Episode: s03e04 Children of the Dark, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-25
Updated: 2010-08-25
Packaged: 2017-10-11 06:10:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/109248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArwenLalaith/pseuds/ArwenLalaith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tag to 'Children of the Dark'. It seemed like it was always two steps forward and three steps back with her. No matter how much progress they made, it was like there was always a void in her heart aching for something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hollow

It was late in the evening when he heard the knock he'd been waiting to hear on his hotel room door. He smiled happily as he went to let her in to say goodnight – it was all very clandestine and secretive, having to wait until everyone else was asleep to kiss his girlfriend goodnight, but he wouldn't go to sleep without telling her he loved her, especially if they were spending the night apart.

But when he opened the door, her faint smile let him know that that wasn't what she was here for...

"Baby, can we talk?" she asked softly, padding into his room as he shut the door behind her.

"Sure." He intertwined his fingers with hers, leading her to the bed. "Is everything okay, baby?"

"Everything's fine," she sighed uneasily, sitting down on the edge of the bed and waiting for him to sit down beside her. "We haven't been dating very long," she said softly, gently squeezing his hand, "But you know I really care about you..."

He looked at her curiously. "I care about you too, baby. What is it? You're worrying me..."

"I want you to know that there's no pressure..." She looked deeply into his eyes, trying to read his reaction, needing him to see that she was serious. "I don't expect you to commit to anything you're not ready for – it's still early, we don't even really know what we want yet..." She attempted a reassuring smile.

"I don't understand what you're saying... What do you mean by not expecting me to commit?" He frowned, realization slowly dawning on his face. "Are... Are you pregnant? The baby's mine..."

"No, honey, that's not it," she murmured, her eyes flicking away to look down at their intertwined hands, her thumb gently running over the back of his hand. "I want to adopt Carrie..."

Morgan raised his brows, taking a moment to let her words sink in before realizing that she was serious about adopting the girl. "Carrie Ortiz? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"But it's not easy taking care of a child..."

"She doesn't have _anyone_!" she said exasperatedly, jumping up from her seat. "You know she lost her entire family, she needs someone – I can take care of her until she goes to college... I don't want to see another child go to foster care, knowing I could have done something about it."

"Listen to me," he whispered gently, moving to rest his hands on her shoulders and look straight into her eyes. "I'm not saying it's a bad idea, but taking care of a child can be trying, especially when she lost her family... Are you sure you can do that?"

"I need to try, to know that I can," she whispered quietly, "I need to make up for...what I did..."

He pulled her into his arms, wrapping them tightly around her, letting her rest her head on his chest. "I know," he soothed, "It's okay. If it's what you really want to do, I understand and whatever you decide, I'll be behind you."

She smiled lightly, pulling away to look into his eyes. "Thank you, baby," she whispered, kissing him lightly, "But I don't expect you to be there if you're not comfortable with it...you don't have to be a part of this. I don't blame you if you think it's too much too soon..."

He sighed quietly, "Frankly, I don't know what to think or how to feel about all this. I am a little surprised, I guess, but I want to be there for you, baby."

"You don't have to do this," she whispered, her voice breaking a little, feeling touched that he would be willing to adopt a fifteen year old girl with her just because she wanted to. "We can still be together, you don't have to be involved with the whole thing. I just wanted to give you a heads-up."

"I don't know a lot about taking care of kids, but I know what it's like to lose someone close to you, especially when you lost them right in front of you." He looked at her seriously, needing her to see that he wasn't doing just for her, he was doing this because he wanted to, because it was the right thing to do.

She smiled sadly, rubbing a hand up and down his back comfortingly. "I know you don't know a lot about taking care of kids, I don't either...but I know we can do this – we'll learn. Together." She kissed him gently. "It means a lot to me that you're willing to do this...it means taking on a _lot_ of responsibility..."

"I know it's a lot of responsibility, but I told you before – I want a future with you and I mean it. I love you, Princess." He held her close to him, kissing her forehead. "Mama's going to be very happy when she hears about this..."

She laughed. "Well, don't get too excited just yet. There's still a lot of red tape we'll have to get through before we can be a family." She couldn't help smiling at that one little word that made her so happy.

"I know we haven't been together for too long, but I can't wait to have a family with you, baby," he murmured into her ear.

"Me either," she replied, hugging him tightly, "I know you'll be a great daddy."

******

"They got ahold of her relatives in California..."

They were the first words she had spoken since they landed, since the jet had left the tarmac even. It wasn't unusual for her to be quiet after a rough case, but tonight she just didn't seem like herself.

"I heard," he said apologetically, reaching across the centre console of the car to hold her hand. "It's better that she's with someone she knows..."

"I know," she sighed, leaning back against the seat, staring blankly out the window.

His gaze flicked over to study her, his heart going out to her, but he didn't say anything, letting her sort out her thoughts. She didn't say anything the remainder of the drive, not even as they arrived home, moving on autopilot, merely dropping her bag carelessly on the floor and heading to the bathroom to splash water on her face, trying desperately to ward off tears.

Morgan patiently waited for her outside the bathroom with a towel, giving her time and space to work things out before coming out to face him. He pulled her to bed, gently drying her face, and he felt his heart ache as he watched her struggling to hold back her tears. Holding her close, he whispered, "Let it out, baby. There's no one else here, it's okay..."

Emily's gaze flickered from her hands to his eyes and back down to her hands before she inhaled a shaky breath, trying her best to remain composed, but she had been bottling her disappointment since she'd talked to Hotch. Wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his chest, she felt the first tears falling.

Holding her tightly in his warm embrace, he pulled her onto his lap, feeling her body tremble as she cried her heart out. Running a soothing hand down her back, he couldn't do anything but continue to hold her and whisper in her ear that everything was going to be okay.

Her tears soaked his shirt, but he didn't seem to mind and she didn't fight it, letting her tears fall freely, crying until she felt as though as had cried her tears out. Sniffling, she pulled back and took a steadying breath, wiping her tears away with the heel of her hand. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

He shook his head, gently wiping her tears away with his thumb. "You have nothing to be sorry for." He tucked her hair behind her ears, smiling sadly, "It's not your fault."

She sniffled and shut her eyes, "I shouldn't be this upset."

"You're only human, Em, you're allowed to be upset," he said sadly, "I know how much you want a family."

"I knew it might not work out," she murmured, nodding half-heartedly, sighing, "How can you miss something you never had?"

"I don't know," he whispered, sighing softly as he held her close.

If Morgan were honest with himself, he'd have to admit that he was actually disappointed that they hadn't managed to adopt Carrie, even though he knew that it would be better for her to stay with family. He had been looking forward to having a family with Emily...

Perhaps it was for the best... They were trying to do the right thing, but maybe their reason hadn't been the right ones. They wanted to adopt Carrie, not because they really liked her or because they felt like they were ready to have a family, let alone a teenager – the thought never even crossed his mind until Emily brought it up. And, to be honest, Emily wanted to adopt her because she wanted to make amends for what she had done and he just felt like it was the right thing to do. After seeing the conditions of those so-called foster homes, he just didn't want a girl who had already lost everything to be sent to a place like that.

She spoke quietly, her voice bringing him out of his reverie, "Maybe I'm not supposed to have a family." She stared at her hands then back at him, sighing tiredly, "There's just this big void in my heart where a child's love should go..." She quickly brushed a tear away before it could fall, "Maybe it's supposed to stay empty."

"That's crazy and untrue," he said seriously, cupping her cheeks, forcing her to look into his eyes. "You're just saying that because you think you're being punished for what you did, but that's _not_ true. You're an amazing person and I'm sure you've made up for your mistakes many times over the years. Maybe the time just isn't right; we're still young, we could have our own babies and, if all else fails, we could adopt..."

"Really?" She sighed softly, "I want to believe you...but it's hard sometimes. And who knows what's going to happen – things might not work out between us or..." She trailed off, looking up at him with sad eyes.

"Baby, I don't know if things are going to work out between us, but I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that we at least stand a chance of having a future together." He held her hands tightly. "I love you and I want us to work."

"She attempted a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I want that too."


End file.
